


Fetch!

by caledfwlchthat



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Mad Science, Pesterlog
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-19
Updated: 2016-05-19
Packaged: 2018-06-09 09:58:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6901267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/caledfwlchthat/pseuds/caledfwlchthat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Better stick games with your dog, through physics.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fetch!

**Author's Note:**

> Adapted from a Jade VA intro I wrote (hsvoiceacting, now defunct). Qualifying work for Ladystuck Remix Challenge 2016.

JADE: ok bec, fetch!   
BEC: [bzzzap] ARF   
JADE: good dog!   
JADE: ok... fetch!   
BEC: [bzzzap] ARF ARF   
JADE: ok aaaaannnd... FETC [bzzzap]ARF   
JADE: hey, no fair!   
JADE: you have to wait until it leaves my hand!   
BEC: ARF ARF BARK   
JADE: sigh.   
JADE: you know, i dont even know why we still play this game   
JADE: when i was a kid you never used to like it   
JADE: but now for some reason you cant get enough of it!   
BEC: ARF ARF   
JADE: you can even fetch the bullets right from the muzzle of my best rifle!   
BEC: WOOF   
JADE: it's true, there is no beating you at a fetch off   
JADE: you are simply the best there is   
BEC: ARF ARF ARF   
JADE: but it gets tiresome after a while!   
JADE: at least for me, part of the fun is watching you at least try to chase it   
JADE: even though we both know you could just grab it   
JADE: sometimes i feel like we need a new game   
BEC: whiiinnne   
JADE: im sorry best friend, you know ill do anything for you   
JADE: thats why im gonna come up with a game that will be a challenge for both of us!   
BEC: ARF   
JADE: so lets think! how can we make this more interesting?   
JADE: cant use a rocket, you caught our last rocket yesterday   
JADE: even the exploding nose cone didnt slow you down!   
BEC: WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF   
JADE: yes i know, i watched you catch all the pieces one by one   
JADE: you were SUCH a good dog, bec, that we need to think bigger   
BEC: whuff?   
JADE: what can we do   
JADE: maybe we can we HIDE the stick? then it becomes hide and seek   
JADE: but lets face it you can smell things anywhere too   
BEC: WOOF   
JADE: can we... transportalize it? but that isnt really fair either   
JADE: trans temporal, trans universal games of fetch become more than a little too much trouble for an afternoons work   
BEC: BARK   
JADE: yeah i know, that sounds like fun for you, but less fun for me   
JADE: hey weve been playing for a while, you must be hungry   
JADE: why dont you have a nice steak while i think this over   
BEC: WOOF WOOF chomp   
JADE: waaaiiit a second... what about... good old quantum mechanics?   
JADE: like the heisenberg uncertainty principle?   
JADE: it basically says you cant measure the position and the momentum of an object at the same time   
JADE: so if youre sure about where an atom is, theres a limit about what you can know about where its going   
JADE: its a consequence of wave particle duality!   
BEC: ...?!?!   
JADE: its ok bec, i wouldnt have expected you to know about that   
JADE: we dont see it too often in our everyday lives because it usually only matters for things as small as atoms   
JADE: when you have a lot of atoms in one place, they tend to jostle against each other and destroy the nice wavelike structure   
JADE: unless you keep them very cold and still   
JADE: but i just remembered that we have this old spatial coherence inducer down in the basement lab!   
JADE: the one i jerry rigged using two parallel fenestrated planes for that quantum hyperdrive i was gonna build last summer   
JADE: except then i got distracted and forgot   
JADE: then... hmm, how am i going to do this?   
JADE: we can use the coherence inducer to realign the atomic wave structure of the stick   
JADE: then if we measure its position really precisely   
JADE: thatll make the stick launch off in every direction at once!   
JADE: a quantum superposition of directions that will only be broken when you succeed in catching the stick   
BEC: BARK BARK BARK   
JADE: yeah itll be awesome!   
JADE: ok so ill need to reconfigure my lunar ranging setup to emit spherical wavefronts and focus them inward at high power   
JADE: dont try this at home   
JADE: the position sampling process needs to run at really high frequency or it wont work   
JADE: ill set that up and control it from the 32-core sub-meson cluster back in the lab  
JADE: the one i built from overclocked lemons  
JADE: haha, it might just work!  
JADE: its CRAZY but thats never stopped me before  
JADE: i bet THIS will give you a run for your money bec!  
JADE: just give me a minute to throw it together!  
BEC: ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF  
BEC: ARF ARF  
JADE: of course there is a slight risk that it will locally destabilize paradox space  
JADE: and then  
JADE: well if that happens then well all be in real trouble  
JADE: but that would certainly make the game more interesting!  
BEC: BARK


End file.
